I take a deep breath as an old friend tells me yet again she needs to lose weight. I hold my tongue. I feel my stomach churning. I feel the adrenaline start to work its magic, and my breathing gets faster. I dread this conversation we all too often have.
I really don’t know what to say. I’m scared if we continue down this road, I’ll get sucked back in to the all too familiar dieting tunnel of doom. ‘Oh if she needs to lose weight and she’s much smaller than me, then I really MUST lose weight’. And I’m scared that if I start imparting my recently acquired knowledge, I’ll be ranting for the next three hours and she’ll be sorry she started this conversation. Not everyone wants to hear what I have to say, and I must respect that.
She looks at me, expecting a response. I tell her I don’t know what to say. I tell her that I may go off on a huge rant, and she’ll be sorry she mentioned it. But she’s still waiting for me to say something. And in reality, I get the sense that she wants to hear what I have to say. I get the sense she wants me to tell her she is beautiful as she is and doesn’t need to lose weight. I sense that she needs to hear the permission she has longed for most of her life to stay just as she is. The permission to feel ok about her body just as it is. The permission not to have to look like everyone else and not to have to diet. The reality check that she won’t be loved any more than she already is if she loses weight. And an acceptance of the few pounds she may have gained because of a very tough few months in her life.
And that’s exactly what I do. The passion about this subject burns up inside me, and half an hour later (after my predicted rant), I see a sense of relief on her face. And on mine. I feel so unbelievably grateful that I have finally woken up from the fantasy dream and horrendous nightmare I had been living for so much of my life, believing that my life would be complete when I lost weight.
I am elated that instead of being sucked back into the tunnel by talking with my friend, I was able to share some of my views on the subject. I now have my eyes wide open to the things that really matter in this world. Open to the things going on inside me, and in the world around me that have contributed to this feeling of lack of self-worth until I was thin.
It makes me so upset that we have been brought up in a society where we perceive it is not acceptable to have body fat. It is not our fault that we believe this. The media has a huge amount to answer for, which allows people in the street to shout abusive words to people that don't meet society’s perception of ‘acceptable’. The way that it’s ok to fat shame celebrities, and for magazines to be promoting extreme diets.
I was idly browsing the magazines during my lunch hour the other day – almost all of them had some kind of negative message about weight on the front – ‘lose 7lbs – diet secrets of the celebs’. If it’s not about losing weight, it’s about bulking up for men – ‘get a rugby body’. What sort of message is this giving to the current population, let alone the future generations? We are so much more than our bodies!
The half an hour rant with my friend is not going to have woken her up from her nightmare dream which is such a reality for her right now. But it might have made her stir for a bit. End of current rant. Thanks for listening. And if you’ve been affected by this blog in any way, please pass it on. I believe we all have a responsibility to pass this message on, and share this little secret. With our friends and loved ones, our children and parents.
I really don’t know what to say. I’m scared if we continue down this road, I’ll get sucked back in to the all too familiar dieting tunnel of doom. ‘Oh if she needs to lose weight and she’s much smaller than me, then I really MUST lose weight’. And I’m scared that if I start imparting my recently acquired knowledge, I’ll be ranting for the next three hours and she’ll be sorry she started this conversation. Not everyone wants to hear what I have to say, and I must respect that.
She looks at me, expecting a response. I tell her I don’t know what to say. I tell her that I may go off on a huge rant, and she’ll be sorry she mentioned it. But she’s still waiting for me to say something. And in reality, I get the sense that she wants to hear what I have to say. I get the sense she wants me to tell her she is beautiful as she is and doesn’t need to lose weight. I sense that she needs to hear the permission she has longed for most of her life to stay just as she is. The permission to feel ok about her body just as it is. The permission not to have to look like everyone else and not to have to diet. The reality check that she won’t be loved any more than she already is if she loses weight. And an acceptance of the few pounds she may have gained because of a very tough few months in her life.
And that’s exactly what I do. The passion about this subject burns up inside me, and half an hour later (after my predicted rant), I see a sense of relief on her face. And on mine. I feel so unbelievably grateful that I have finally woken up from the fantasy dream and horrendous nightmare I had been living for so much of my life, believing that my life would be complete when I lost weight.
I am elated that instead of being sucked back into the tunnel by talking with my friend, I was able to share some of my views on the subject. I now have my eyes wide open to the things that really matter in this world. Open to the things going on inside me, and in the world around me that have contributed to this feeling of lack of self-worth until I was thin.
It makes me so upset that we have been brought up in a society where we perceive it is not acceptable to have body fat. It is not our fault that we believe this. The media has a huge amount to answer for, which allows people in the street to shout abusive words to people that don't meet society’s perception of ‘acceptable’. The way that it’s ok to fat shame celebrities, and for magazines to be promoting extreme diets.
I was idly browsing the magazines during my lunch hour the other day – almost all of them had some kind of negative message about weight on the front – ‘lose 7lbs – diet secrets of the celebs’. If it’s not about losing weight, it’s about bulking up for men – ‘get a rugby body’. What sort of message is this giving to the current population, let alone the future generations? We are so much more than our bodies!
The half an hour rant with my friend is not going to have woken her up from her nightmare dream which is such a reality for her right now. But it might have made her stir for a bit. End of current rant. Thanks for listening. And if you’ve been affected by this blog in any way, please pass it on. I believe we all have a responsibility to pass this message on, and share this little secret. With our friends and loved ones, our children and parents.
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